What My Biggest Responsibility to My Son Is, Really.

The other day, I gave myself five minutes. Five minutes to feel all the feels. to mourn everything I know we won't get to do this spring: bringing Beckett to museums and parks and play dates; get togethers with family and friends; traveling; actually going on dates outside of the home. Everything I was looking forward to as Beckett gets a bit older and as the weather turns. All of the things I have not let myself feel.

I just laid in silence and let the tears come and let the pictures flow by in my head of what might have been. And for as much as I have been avoiding feeling these feelings and thinking about these things, when the timer went off (yes, I literally set a timer - time is an even hotter commodity sound these parts these days with a lack of childcare help) I found myself wanting more time. More time to feel the feelings and let the energy move through, less of avoiding them.

I am no sage, the only reason I even set aside these 5 minutes for myself that day is because of a therapy session that made me realize just how little I've been doing for myself in the last two and a half weeks and just how much I need to make the space and ask for the support I need in order to do that. I am reading Glennon Doyle's book, Untamed, and realizing and remembering all the ways in which I am a Cheetah (read the book, or listen to her interview with Brené Brown, you'll understand) and how important it is to me that I set an example for my son of what it means to be fully human and to ask for what I need. So that he may be fully human, feel all the feels, ask for what he needs, and achieve his highest potential.

I got to wondering how other moms are feeling about this stuff. If they’re finding ways to make time for themselves, not just to do the trivial self-care things floated on social media but the real work of self care - emotional processing, identifying and seeking necessary supports. My best guess is that I’m not alone in this struggle right now.

So I decided it’s time to be the change I wish to see, as Ghandi said, and create a space for moms to carve out time to take care of themselves, and to be connected in these challenging times. I thought up the Mama Bear Den, a two-hour online mini-retreat for moms. I am so excited about this opportunity; I hope if you feel called to join me, you will.