It was about this time last year I started to panic a bit about the impending basketball season.
“Basketball?!” You may be thinking.
Yes, basketball. My husband, in addition to being a very talented and thoughtful teacher, is a varsity basketball coach at our local high school.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the anxiety I had in the season prior (‘18-’19) when I was pregnant and my mind was often running, thinking about how I would ever handle a baby on my own while my husband was gone an average of 14 hours a day working both jobs for the season (basically four months).
Now, the baby was here. And winter was coming.
I tried boiling it down: What was I really so worried about? What was the root of this issue for me?
I knew I loved that my husband gets to be a coach, because he loves it so much (and he’s damn good at it). I knew I loved being part of the community in this way. I think I even knew, deep down, that I could handle whatever challenges this season brought my way in terms of being a first time-mom. I knew the root didn’t lie in any of that.
I came to realize that the root lied in two things: 1) my fears of abandonment that resulted from experiences I had as a child — these were mine to work on — and 2) a desire to be connected with my husband, to still feel like we were sharing a life even when our schedules had us feeling like ships passing in the night — this one we had to work on together.
So I thought of a way we could quickly check in with each other at the end of each day, to share some lows and some highs, and recognize each other for our contributions towards our marriage, our family, and our home.
Enter: CGA!
CGA stands for Challenge, Gratitude, and Appreciation.
Each night we exchanged these as we reflected on our day:
What’s one challenge you faced today?
What’s one thing you’re grateful for today (generally)?
What’s one thing you appreciate about me today?
I found that appreciating one another was especially important in maintaining our sense of connection together during this higher-stress time. And if one of us struggled to think of something, it provided an opportunity for the other to say, “I did xyz, you can appreciate me for that!” Often we were doing things behind the scenes to support each other/our family that the other wasn’t even aware of. Calling those out into the light helped foster that sense of connection where we might have otherwise seen resentment fester.
Little did I know when I cooked up this idea and got my husband to agree to it that we would be facing an even more stressful and prolonged situation than basketball season (Oh hey, Covid!) - one I could have never imagined. Luckily, we already had the CGA practice in our toolbox and can still use it now!
This practice can work well with partners of any kind - not just life partners but friends, coworkers, etc.
I hope you’ll try it out! If you do, drop a comment below and let me know how it goes!
PS If you’re interested in more tools like this to help things flow better in your everyday life, and feel like you could use some loving accountability to put them into practice, consider joining the Radiant Soul Mamas Group! Check out the Mamas Group highlight on my Instagram page for more details. Next session starts October 11 - in just two short weeks!